(STRIKE HOLY POT LID OF SOUNDING)

VOICE ONE: Previously in the Midlands . . .

VOICE TWO: In the beginning was the Kontore League. And the landed barons and baronesses of the Midlands saw that it was good. So they agreed to meet in what is now Runvidrstadr (Rune-vee-der-stad) to renew the Kontore League Treaty. But Lo! Baron Henry of Ayreton (though he had PROMISED to be there) CAME NOT and Baroness Alzbeta of Illiton waxed wroth. “Ayreton will not sign our peace treaty?!” she fumed. “This means war!” Therefore did the four baronies battle. Much blood was spilt and fear walked the land.

VOICE THREE: But in the fullness of time, tempers were soothed and peace prevailed. Autumn passed and winter too. At Rites of Spring in Illiton, Baroness Alzbeta greeted her guests robed in a beautiful new red dress, with which she was greatly pleased. Then arrived Baroness Epona of Carrig Ban and she too proudly modeled a red dress–THE EXACT TWIN OF THE GARMENT ALZBETA WORE–and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Alzbeta waxed wroth but Epona waxed wrother and once again the Midlands knew war.

VOICE FOUR: In martial strife did autumn pass and winter also. Spring arrived and summer followed and the four baronesses were bored with war-BORED, BORED, BORED. Spake Baroness Nadezda of Ayreton, “Cousins, my time as baroness is nearly done. This year, let us play games instead of fighting.”–to which the others gladly agreed. Contests were held and combat skills tested. No one waxed wroth and all had fun.

VOICE FIVE: ‘Twixt autumn and spring, strange plots were hatched. Ayreton and Carrig Ban signed a secret treaty. Baron Wilhelm of Illiton dreamed of land acquisition and Baroness Caroline of Shattered Crystal waxed wroth . . . because she hadn’t had a chance to wax wroth yet and was feeling left out. And so the four baronies fought and no one knew why and it was hot . . . really hot . . .REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HOT!

VOICE SIX: Today, at Rites of Spring in Illiton, the barons and baronesses of the Midlands are gathered again to sign the Kontore League Treaty. All is peaceful and calm. Surely nothing can go wrong this time . . .

VOICE ONE: We now return to court in progress . . .

(STRIKE HOLY POT LID OF SOUNDING)